With more than 3,700 miles of hiking trails in Southern California alone, you could spend every day exploring a new trail, but if you’d like your family to join you on some of those excursions this summer, consider choosing trails that everyone — all ages and abilities — might enjoy.

These suggestions for outdoor activities take into consideration the contrasting needs of hyperactive young children and aging adults with limited mobility, including those using powered devices and walkers. Bring water, sunblock, hats, shades, snacks, binoculars and comfortable shoes to all of them. All parks listed are ADA-compliant.

South Coast

Wetlands and marshes

Madrona Marsh Preserve and Nature Center – Torrance; Tues-Sat, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

Little kids love this small park, which offers a series of educational programs tailored to them. There are brochures in the parking area for self-guided tours. At least 275 species of birds live in this park. Dogs not allowed. 

El Dorado Nature Center – Long Beach; Tue-Sun, 8 a.m.-5 p.m.

In this manmade environment built with the soil extracted from construction of the 605 Freeway, children can enjoy watching turtles bask in the sun while older folks can rest by the lake to look at the waterfowl. With three connecting loops, the park offers a total of 3.25 miles of trail, mostly shaded. The soil is so soft that people often walk barefooted. Parking $8-$9 on holidays; passes with senior discounts. Dogs not allowed.

Ballona Wetlands Ecological Reserve – Marina del Rey; daily

Enjoy about four miles of soft trail. Watch for butterflies. Look for easy parking on Bluff Creek Drive.

Bolsa Chica Ecological Reserve – Seal Beach; daily, 6 a.m.- 8 p.m.

Originally home to the Tongva people, this rich coastal ecosystem surrounding a tidal mouth has been a restoration project for decades. The 1,300-acre park offers four miles of flat trail accessible to powered mobility devices and strollers. From the trails, visitors have a vantage point to observe Bolsa Chica’s biodiversity far beyond the beautiful birds, including endangered plants and even sea lions. Pamphlets are available at the two free parking lots. Dogs not allowed.

Ken Malloy Harbor Regional Park –Wilmington; daily, dawn to dusk

Around 300 species of migratory birds enjoy the freshwater lake, the tule marsh and the willow forest. The two flat trails have a total combined distance of 5 miles. Free parking. Fishing permit needed.

Overlooking the Ocean

Point Vicente Coastal Trail –Palos Verdes Peninsula; daily, dawn to dusk

Also known as Vicente Bluffs, this trail runs several miles east and west parallel to the south rim of the peninsula. Stroll west as long as you can, taking in the spectacular view. Don’t miss the interpretative center, the whale-watching deck or the lighthouse, which opens only on second Saturdays. Have a picnic or watch the sunset. It’s all free, including parking. Bring a jacket. Leashed dogs are OK.

Urban

Kenneth Hahn Recreation Area – Los Angeles; March to October, 6 a.m.-8 p.m.

Nestled between La Cienega Boulevard and La Brea Avenue in Baldwin Hills, Kenneth Hahn is an urban gem with a network of hiking trails at varying difficulty levels. The trail closest to the Japanese garden is ADA compliant. To avoid parking fees, use the shuttle bus for 25 cents.

Suburban

Powder Canyon Trail – La Habra; dawn to dusk

The best family-friendly trail of the entire Puente Hills Preserve is a 1.1-mile portion of the Powder Canyon. Equipped with complete facilities. Leashed dogs allowed.

Mountain

Crystal Lake Recreation Area/Campground – Angeles National Forest, accessed from Azusa via California Highway 39

This overnight camping trip requires planning. Adventure pass and fishing permit are needed. Senior discounts are available. Pack all you need to feed and shelter your family for a weekend, but think simple, practical and economical. California Highway 39 is a long, winding road shared with cyclists going uphill. Kids might need something for motion sickness.

At 6,000-feet elevation, Crystal Lake campground has running water, clean bathrooms and 120 tent sites. Arrive late on Thursday or early on Friday ahead of Labor Day to secure one of the three ADA-compliant sites. Use only designated, bear-proof garbage containers. Leave no trace is the principle.

There are two ADA-accessible, interpretative trails with brochures: Golden Cup Trail (0.25 miles) and Pinyon Ridge Trail (a new 1-mile loop). The lake trail is 2 miles long and mostly on the road, then you hike down the last .25 miles on a wide trail. Swimming is not allowed. For a greater challenge, older children and strong adults can take an adventure day of their own. Windy Gap Trail is 2.5 miles long (one way) with an 1,380-elevation gain of moderate difficulty. It serves as a popular path to the Pacific Crest Trail and to Little Jimmy Trail Camp. Visit sierraclub.org for a list of 10 essentials to bring. Pick up a trail map at the ranger’s office.

If you can only stay in the Crystal Lake recreation area and walk the short trails around camp, do not be discouraged. Disconnect from your digital devices and play camp games, creating beautiful memories for your family along with the breathtaking views of the San Gabriel Canyon.

Born in Venezuela, Lisbeth Coiman is a trekker of intersecting paths and an avid hiker with aching knees. She is the author of “I Asked the Blue Heron: A memoir” and “Uprising/Alzamiento,” a poetry collection that calls attention to the humanitarian crisis in her homeland. Visit lisbethcoiman.com.

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For years, I dreamed of working from home, eschewing L.A. traffic and carving out more quality time with family. In 2020, that dream became a reality because of a nightmare: the pandemic. But even when much of the world went back to office work, my publishers made our remote status long-term. While I enjoy the ease of working from home as much as I had once envisioned, there are days I’d rather be anywhere else. Thankfully, coffeehouses aren’t the only option.

When construction chaos recently took over my house, I traded the incessant drilling and drywall dust for ocean breezes by booking a day of “resort working” at Santa Monica Proper Hotel’s rooftop via ResortPass.

My corner cabana — with just the right mix of sun and palm shade — became the perfect spot to edit, eat and enjoy vacation-like vibes. Whenever I looked up from my screen, I saw people lounging in the sparkling turquoise pool. This scene, backed by the Santa Monica mountain range and a wide swath of sky, helped open my creative vision in new ways.

No longer closed in by the walls of my home and the invasive sound of construction, I could breathe a little easier, soak up some vitamin D (after lathering on sunscreen) and hear and see other humans in real life! Before you remind me that the grass is always greener from the other side, I’m not ready to go back into an office full-time. Remote work really is my jam. But knowing that I can easily work from one of L.A. County’s beautiful hotels any time I need a break from home is refreshing.

Why ResortPass is a game-changer for remote workers
ResortPass lets you book luxe hotel amenities — such as cabanas, spas and pools — without an overnight stay, making it easy to turn any workday into a mini getaway. Day passes start at $25 and can increase depending on where you want to go and what kind of amenities you would like to access.

Booking is easy. On the ResortPass website, I entered my preferred location (Santa Monica) and date, clicked “all” for the amenities option, then browsed the list of participating hotels. The list included customer reviews, cost, icons symbolizing which amenities were available (pool, towel service, bar, food, etc.) and links to the hotels’ websites.

The pitch for a day at Santa Monica Proper Hotel let me know it was the choice for me: “Escape to a luxurious alcove at Santa Monica Proper Hotel for a day of pure relaxation. Savor the ocean breeze, enjoy personalized service and unwind by the rooftop pool with breathtaking views. Indulge in gourmet bites, sip refreshing cocktails and recharge in serene, stylish comfort. Treat yourself to an unforgettable day of bliss and tranquility.”

On the day of my poolside workday, I made sure I had chargers for my phone and laptop, a notebook, my reusable water bottle, sunscreen and trail mix. Located at 700 Wilshire Blvd., Santa Monica Proper Hotel is walking distance from the beach. Designed with coastal flair and natural tones, it is branded as a hotel with a “looser kind of luxury.” I easily found metered parking around the hotel, but since it was a workday, I decided to valet park, which was $40.

After I checked in at the front desk, staff directed me to the elevators leading to the rooftop. I sighed with pleasure when I saw my alcove — a corner with a lush couch that curved around a wooden table. Blessed with a sunny day, I was thankful the cabana was tucked under a squat palm tree with fronds that fanned over my workstation.

From Calabra, the hotel’s rooftop hotel that serves up Mediterranean and California cuisine, I treated myself to an oat milk cappuccino, truffle fries and the fattoush salad crowned with large falafels that burst with aromatic spices and boasted a crips golden-brown shell and a tender, flavorful center.

How to book your own work daycation
Booking through ResortPass is seamless — just select your date, choose your cabana and get ready to work in style. Even though you’re working, you’ll feel like you’re on vacation — especially if you take your break in the pool.

Cassandra Lane is Editor-in-Chief of L.A. Parent.

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As many new parents know, those early days and months with your baby can be filled with exhaustion, sadness, frustration and even rage, as much as it can be filled with joy and love. Playwright, comedy writer, performer and educator Jessica Mele decided to put those emotions into her work as an artist to create her one woman show, “Eat the Mama,” which will have its L.A. debut at the Hollywood Fringe Festival in June.

We got the chance to ask Jessica more about her show, navigating life as an artist and parent and where she likes to go around her Santa Clarita neighborhood and in L.A.

Congratulations on your show, “Eat the Mama,” and its L.A. premiere. Please tell us a little about the inspiration behind it and your writing process.

“Eat the Mama” began with my time as a new mother, writing furiously in tear-stained journals at 3 a.m. I’ve always been an emotional journal writer and those early motherhood days were pure emotion. Everything went in those journals – fights with my husband about cleaning bottles; feeling like a dairy cow, strapped to my breast pump; power struggles with my child as he grew and learned to say “no.” I wrote them down and then put those feelings away and never looked at them again.

Then, in 2021 we were spending a lot of time indoors due to the pandemic, and I felt a desperate need to do something creative. I enrolled in a “Write your own 10-Minute Solo Show” zoom workshop, and thumbed through those journals looking for material. I had enough distance from the pain and anger of the early years to write about those emotions. Then, I worked with a writing coach (playwright Megan Cohen, who is terrific) to turn that into a full-length show, which was a process of developing new material and collaging it together. 

I think I just wanted to be seen. I spent so much of early motherhood feeling unseen as the mother that I was, which felt so far away from my idealized version of a “mother.” I was not gentle, patient or calm. I was an anger bomb a lot of the time.

What do you wish other moms who are also playwrights, performers or artists knew about navigating both the artist life and parent life?

They already know how hard it is, and how necessary it is to maintain a creative practice. I can only speak from my own experience: I am happiest – and a better parent – when I have a creative outlet, which for me requires being seen. But it has been hard to accept that my capacity and energy for making art is different than it was before I became a parent. I need to remind myself that whatever “art thing” I’m doing, it’s enough – as long as I’m sharing it with someone. So, I just have to do the next art thing, and the next, and the next. Whatever that is, whatever scale or scope. Right now, my next art thing is “Eat the Mama” at Hollywood Fringe. And that’s enough. If you have ideas about the art thing after that, I’m taking suggestions!

Did you have a mentor growing up? And what role did that person play in your life and your career?

My mom (now retired) was an early childhood educator and a dancer and storyteller. Her creativity was woven into who she was as a person, and who she was professionally. She nurtured a playful, creative home for me and my brother. And she always took our artmaking seriously. She loved and supported us no matter what – “Even if you wanted to be an elephant trainer when you grow up!” She told me that once, when I was in high school. And she meant it! (BTW – my brother is the set designer for “Eat the Mama.” That’s a whole other level of joy, getting to make art with my sibling.)

I have struggled with many things as a parent and an artist – how to make money and art, how to keep my creativity alive when I’m hustling to work, how to love myself when my version of motherhood is so different from what I thought it would be. But I have always felt loved and supported by my mom just as I am, as an artist, as a parent and as a person.

You were living in the Bay Area prior to moving to Santa Clarita. How was that transition as a mom and as a family?

What a big move! I cried and journaled and cried and journaled. We went from living in a city to suburbia; from two bedrooms to three; from not knowing our neighbors to having the neighborhood kids making art in our garage after school. Our child started second grade at a school three times as big as his old one! Honestly, he made friends faster than we did. Everyone in our neighborhood knew him by name within the first month. My husband and I are still finding our grown-up people here, and we miss living closer to the ocean. But being in Santa Clarita has given us the chance to own a home for the first time, a school within walking distance, and plenty of hiking trails. It’s opened up a whole new social world for our child, and that has been beautiful to watch.

When not working, where will we find you?

Lately, I’ve been networking at Hollywood Fringe Festival events. I love how the festival really builds a community among its eclectic list of artists. There will be 400 shows at the festival this year! My current promotional packet involves space candy inside Medela breast milk bags with “Eat the Mama” stickers. When I meet a person who recognizes those bags, I know I’ve found my audience. I want more people to see this play!

What are some of your favorite spots and activities in and around L.A. and Santa Clarita?

Santa Clarita: Toppers Pizza in Valencia, CA is a family favorite. Family bike rides along the paseos in Santa Clarita – we saw a bobcat in the riverbed behind our house! The Loaf Japanese bakery in Newhall, CA. I’m a pastry junkie!

L.A.: Little Tokyo (I work virtually, but the organization I work for – the Center for Cultural Innovation) has an office there and I love browsing the shops and eats.

WGA Library for a nice quiet place to work in L.A. You don’t have to be a member to use the library, but they are not joking when they say that they will not let you in without an appointment.

Little Green Art Studio (now in Frogtown): I took a holiday wreath making workshop here and it was such a calm, joyful, creative experience. 

Mercado La Paloma food court: a food court with a Michelin-starred restaurant? Who could ask for more? Casual and so, so delicious. 

“Eat the Mama” performs June 6, 20, 21, 22 and 27 at The Hudson Theatres, 6539 Santa Monica Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 9038

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Cautiously, I cracked open my daughter’s bedroom door.

“Hey, Ma,” Lina said as she stuffed her clothes — sweaters, tight jeans and size two skirts — into the largest suitcases we owned.

“Hello, beautiful daughter of mine,” I said. My eyes were watery, but I was not crying. Not yet.

Lina grabbed an armload of scarves she’d knitted and some bulky sweaters and hats she would wear while walking briskly in the New York air with her boyfriend, Lawrence. I stood in her bedroom doorway in our Los Angeles home, trying to imagine her clear, high-pitched laugh — the sound of a young woman in love — ringing throughout streets on the other side of the country. Her sweaters and scarves, along with her socks and underwear and mittens, would transfer to a dresser drawer in her boyfriend’s apartment in Brooklyn. There, she would nurture dreams of marrying him, her high school sweetheart.

But what about me? The single mother who’d raised, washed and kept her for 18 years, then a few more after college. I wanted to whine: Why do you have to move there? Can’t you just visit? It’s going to be expensive and hard. What if you guys break up?

But I didn’t say any of this.

“You gonna leave me one of those?” I smirked, nodding at the scarves.

She sniffed the thick yellow one, shrugged and tossed it to me: “Here you go.”

She’s really moving out this time, I thought. My best friend was really leaving me for good — not just going away to college. An involuntary whimper caught in my throat, loosening the pain plastered against my ribs. To lighten the moment, I told a lame joke. And then, pressing down any other sounds that could be construed as sorrow, I backed out of her room to let her return to the work of drawing a clean line between mother and daughter, between parent and child, between childhood and womanhood. She was pulling herself from my woven tapestry in order to make her own. I could hear her spinning it as she hummed.

I closed the door and made my way to my own room. But what about me? This question continued to echo in my mind even as I showered and got ready for bed.

How many parents secretly nurse this question even as they contemplate what should be done with the vacant room in their house? I slept curled in an anxious ball for days. When my daughter’s room was empty and she was gone, a hole the size of the moon ballooned in my chest.

What I would have given to be rocked like a child myself in those difficult and lonely moments! While most parents will feel this sense of loss when their child leaves home, making sure to nurture yourself and your own dreams and interests while your kids are still young will make their leaving much less painful.

What makes you feel good?

Parents, especially mothers, spend nearly every waking moment giving their time, attention, money and energy to their children, their spouses, neighbors and aging parents. Despite our social strides and gains, even women in marriages still disproportionately do the majority of the housework, caregiving and financial planning in their households.

That was my life until recently.

Wandering aimlessly around Lina’s room, my sadness bloomed. In a second marriage on its last legs, recently appointed interim chair of my department and now, with the rites of passage that nearly every parent experiences — the child leaving home — it was time for me to learn to look after numero uno.

Since my then-husband refused to go to therapy anymore, I decided to go alone. I had to find someone who could listen without judgment and without any expectation other than to help me process the tornado of emotions I was experiencing all at once.

“What makes you feel good?” my therapist asked, leaning back in her squeaky chair at the end of our third session and my verbal outpouring.

I blinked. When was the last time someone had asked me this? A year? Two? My daughter was living her life in New York and my unresponsive husband felt like a 300-pound weight around my neck. My hectic job was my only refuge, which was to say, it wasn’t really a refuge at all.

When I got home that evening, I made a list:

1. Walk at the beach three to five times a week.

2. Finish reading a book a month.

3. Dance and laugh anytime I want.

4. Get a massage once a month.

5. Spend time with friends and family.

6. Research getting a divorce.

Movement. Stimulation. Touch. Embracing a notion of liberation over emptiness. These were my medicines. My only child had finally flown the coop, and after six years of doing thankless work in the marriage, I refused to continue parenting my grown, unambitious husband.

Many women continue to absorb a long-outdated societal message that we must look after our partners at the expense of ourselves, as if we can’t feel good about an action or an accomplishment until said partner feels good first. Similarly, we’ve learned to “mother” even those who aren’t our children — our friends, adult family members, siblings, our students, co-workers and even our parents as they age. But who is seeing after us?

Yes, we sometimes receive our “thank you’s” and flowers on Mother’s Day and birthdays, but some real appreciation for our unpaid labor is long overdue.

Putting self-care language into gear

Thanks to social media, we’ve entered into a new era of self-care language, yet in action, why is it still so hard for us to remember these practices while nurturing others? Our lives have gotten even busier, technology has made our children secretive and rebellious and the political climate in our country is traumatizing us in ripples.

As a professor, writer, mother, grandmother and now caregiver for my elderly parents, I’ve learned that it’s up to me — us — to balance our natural inclination to mother others with our own needs and desires. And you don’t have to wait until your nest is empty! Your children will benefit from witnessing you prioritize you — at least some of the time.

After my divorce and adjustment to a childless home, every few months I follow the advice of my therapist and ask myself, “What makes me feel good?” Then, I return to my list and revise it when necessary. Movement, stimulation, touch, friendship, peace of mind and reciprocal companionships are always at the top of my list.

So, take a moment to sit down and listen to yourself — your innermost self — as you devise your special list. One thing that I always forget to put on mine is, “Ask for help.” I believe that as we ask for more help, our children, friends, partners and extended community will rise to meet our needs.

Because here’s the truth: We can’t pour from an empty cup. In a world that constantly pulls us in every direction, learning to parent yourself isn’t just self-care; it’s survival.

Author of “The Lost Songs of Nina Simone” and “Black Indian,” Shonda Buchanan is also an associate professor of English, creative writing and professional development at Western Michigan University and fiction faculty in Alma College’s MFA program in creative writing. Visit shondabuchanan.com.

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In these challenging times, raising emotionally healthy children can feel like a fleeting fairytale. Below, Jenna Haeflinger-Kurtz, a licensed marriage and family therapist and the director of Early Intervention & Community Wellness at Wellnest, shares some tips for nurturing our children’s well-being, navigating tough emotions and creating a supportive home environment.

In addition to programs for children, Wellnest runs a comprehensive maternal mental health program featuring specialized therapy through its home visitation program to support people experiencing postpartum depression, anxiety, birth trauma and the emotional complexities of parenting. Rooted in trauma-informed, culturally responsive care, the services create a safe space for mothers to heal, Haeflinger-Kurtz says.

Moms are still the primary caregivers. How can they be supported so their well-being is also maintained?

Self-care is essential, not selfish. I encourage moms to find time for themselves — whether it’s a quiet morning coffee, a hair or nail appointment, maybe a yoga class or a dinner with a friend. And it doesn’t have to be elaborate. Even setting boundaries, like putting your phone away during a meal or taking a short walk alone, can help recharge your energy. 

What are the critical components of wellness for young kids that parents should be aware of?

In early childhood, it is important children and parents understand that emotions are part of a child’s daily life. We all experience joy, excitement, frustration, sadness, disappointment and anger. Children gradually develop skills over time to manage the continuum of emotions. Here are a few critical components of wellness:

• Teaching children that all their feelings, from joy and happiness to frustration and sadness — are perfectly normal. We want to help them to name what they feel.
• We want to encourage our children to use calming strategies like deep breathing or finding a nice, quiet space when they feel overwhelmed.
• As parents, we always want to be a reliable source of safety and comfort when our children face challenges, whether it’s starting at a new daycare or experiencing a new sibling’s arrival. A hug or reassuring words go a long way to build trust and security.
• During our busy schedules, it is important to take a minute to slow down and see situations from your child’s point of view. Their meltdowns aren’t just misbehavior — they are working through big emotions with their still-developing brains.

What are some types of traumas that you see in young children, and how do you address them?

When we think about trauma in early childhood, it’s important to remember that trauma isn’t just about what happens to a child; it’s about how they experience it.

Some of the most common types of trauma we see in young children include the loss of a loved one, exposure to violence, neglect or abuse, separation from a caregiver and highly stressful life events: a parent’s serious illness, homelessness or major disruptions in their environment. Even things like frequent moves or instability at home can feel very traumatic to a young child who craves stability, predictability and safety.

The impact of trauma can show up in different ways. Some children become more withdrawn or anxious, while others might show more aggressive or defiant behavior. Sleep issues, frequent tantrums or difficulty separating from a caregiver can also be signs of distress.

But with the right support and services, young children are incredibly resilient. The key to healing is a strong, secure relationship with a trusted caregiver. That’s why, at Wellnest, we focus on working with both the child and their caregiver, using child-parent psychotherapy (CPP), an evidence-based approach designed specifically for young children who have experienced trauma.

Through this therapy, we help parents and children process difficult experiences together in a way that builds trust, strengthens their bond and helps the child feel safe again. We focus on emotional regulation, attachment and communication, giving parents the tools to support their child through tough emotions and create an environment where they can heal. An example of this is a technique that we use often here at Wellnest: “rainbow breathing.” Rainbow breathing starts with asking the child to focus on their breath and imagine a rainbow. As they take each breath, they will breathe up the arc, starting with the color red, and then breathe down the arc, continuing on until they have gone through all the colors of the rainbow. The wonderful thing about this simple exercise is it can be done anywhere.

Ultimately, the goal of therapy is to make the parent-child relationship the child’s greatest source of security and resilience. No child should have to navigate trauma alone — and no parent should feel like they have to figure it all out on their own, either. With the right support, families can heal together.

Can you give us some hands-on practical tips on how parents can enhance their child’s daily well-being?

One of the best ways to help children develop emotional awareness is through storytelling and books. Reading together not only builds literacy but also gives kids language for their emotions. If a child is struggling with transitions, a book about starting preschool can help them feel understood. If they’ve recently lost a pet or loved one, a book about grief can open up space for conversation.

Another powerful tool is modeling emotions and coping strategies. Young children look to us to understand how to handle big feelings. I always encourage parents to share their own emotions in an age-appropriate way. For example, after a tough day, you might say, “I felt really frustrated at work today, so I took some deep breaths and went for a walk to help myself feel better.” This helps kids see that emotions are normal and that there are ways to manage them.

Movement and play are also key. Thankfully, L.A. is full of opportunities for outdoor adventures. Whether it’s exploring a local park or just running barefoot in the backyard, movement helps kids regulate their emotions. Sensory play — like playing with sand at the beach, splashing in water or using playdough — can also be calming for children, giving them an outlet to work through big emotions.

What do you wish all parents knew?

I wish parents knew — really knew — that they are doing an amazing job! We are constantly bombarded with messages telling us we need to do more: more activities, more enrichment, more organic meals, more quality time, more perfection.

What I want parents to know is that good enough is truly good enough. Children don’t need perfect parents. They need parents who love them, who show up and who are willing to grow alongside them. They need parents who will make mistakes and then model what it looks like to repair, because that’s real life.

The post Happy, Healthy Kids: Simple Strategies for Emotional Well-Being appeared first on L.A. Parent.

For Nathalie Murphy, M.D., a psychiatrist and assistant professor at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, travel isn’t just about exploring new places — it’s a pathway to emotional well-being, family connection and personal growth. In this Q&A, she shares how even small trips can transform mental health and strengthen bonds.

What are some of the ways that travel promotes well-being?

Travel encompasses a variety of activities that can significantly enhance overall well-being. It offers a valuable opportunity for stress relief by providing a break from daily routines and stressors, serving as a mental reset. Exploring new destinations and engaging in unfamiliar experiences can foster fresh perspectives, spark creativity and improve problem-solving and adaptability skills. When shared with others or through interactions with new people, travel can also reduce feelings of loneliness and social isolation.

In addition, travel often encourages physical activity such as walking, hiking or outdoor exploration, which can benefit physical health. Altogether, these elements contribute to a more positive mood and a greater sense of well-being.

What are the mental and emotional benefits of family travel?

Family travel offers a range of unique benefits. For children, exploring new environments, meeting diverse people and experiencing different cultures can positively influence their development. These experiences support growth in language, literacy and social skills, while also broadening their worldview and enhancing their capacity for empathy. Travel encourages children to adapt to new situations, helping build resilience, confidence and independence.

Additionally, family trips create opportunities for collaboration, communication and shared problem-solving, experiences that can deepen connections among family members. For parents, it can be especially fulfilling to guide and witness their child’s personal growth through these moments. Stepping away from the routine of daily life allows families to reconnect, strengthen bonds and make lasting memories together.

What are the benefits of solo travel or a mom’s getaway?

A solo or mom’s getaway can be an excellent way to step back from the demands of daily life and reduce stress. It can provide a much-needed mental “reset,” offering space to reflect, recharge and gain a fresh perspective on yourself and life as a whole. Such getaways also come with meaningful social benefits. They offer opportunities to meet new people or reconnect with old and new friends, often deepening the quality of interactions simply by being in a different, more relaxed environment. Spending time with other parents can be incredibly validating, creating a supportive space to share experiences, challenges and perspectives — and even to problem-solve together.

Given that loneliness is closely linked to increased risks of depression, anxiety and other mental health concerns, taking trips like these can serve as a powerful way to foster connection and emotional well-being.

How can families incorporate the benefits of travel if they don’t have the time or budget for big trips?

Travel is a broad concept that can encompass a wide range of destinations and activities. By definition, it simply means moving from one place to another. To me, the true value of travel lies in breaking free from the routine of everyday life, stepping out of “cruise control” and being intentional and present in the moment.

It’s also important to recognize how social media has shaped people’s perceptions and expectations around travel. The curated images of exotic destinations can lead us to overlook the value of simpler, more accessible experiences. But travel doesn’t have to mean a weeks-long international trip; it can be just as meaningful to take a short drive to a nearby community to attend a free local event or explore a new shop or park.

For example, spending a day together as a family visiting a sporting event, a show, a museum or even a park in a different part of town can bring many of the same benefits as more elaborate trips. I recommend checking out your community’s event page, as well as those of nearby areas, for ideas on low-cost or free events happening near you.

What else do you wish everyone knew about the benefits of travel?

When it comes to travel and its benefits, mindset matters more than the destination. Approaching each experience with presence, openness and gratitude is what truly fosters well-being and creates meaningful, lasting memories — for yourself and for those you share the journey with.

The post Travel as Therapy: Insights from a Psychiatrist appeared first on L.A. Parent.

When my 2-year-old daughter died in her sleep of unknown causes (Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood—SUDC), I was crippled by grief and guilt. Although no cause of death could be determined after a thorough autopsy, genetic testing and death investigation, I was certain I must have unwittingly done — or not done — something that contributed to Alice’s death.

No matter how many professionals assured me there was nothing I could have done to prevent my daughter’s death, my internal judge insisted otherwise.

I was hanging by a thread.

The Southern California Counseling Center (SCCC) and its sliding-scale trauma therapy saved my life. SCCC is one of few sliding-scale centers in California that offer trauma-based therapy modalities. Through my work in healthcare, I knew about these modalities, including eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). This knowledge enabled me to seek treatment as soon as trauma symptoms began to manifest six to 10 weeks after Alice died.

But even once the guilt surrounding Alice’s death began to subside, I realized I’d been living in a constant state of baseline guilt since the minute my eldest was born. I felt guilty about being away from the kids when I was at work and guilty about not working enough when I was home. I felt guilty when my kids didn’t share their toys, eat their vegetables and when they fell and skinned their knees. Yet I was completely unaware of this constant background chorus of guilt until I was eventually able to release the guilt over Alice’s inexplicable death.

While the source and depth of parental guilt is influenced by individual circumstances, Eliza Steel, a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), relational trauma therapist and supervisor at SCCC, suggests all forms of it share a common thread. “Parental guilt is a reaction to a self-perceived expectation we didn’t meet,” Steel says.

Five years ago, The Washington Post called parental guilt a silent epidemic, and with today’s parents having navigated a global pandemic and all of its repercussions, fresh guilts sprouted and spread in parents all over the world.

Like a scientist studying a virus, I became curious about the source of parental guilt — and how to treat it.

Generational shifts in parenting styles

Although it was somewhat validating to learn I was far from alone in my self-imposed prison, I wondered what led to its precipitous rise in our society. Steel suggests it may come down to when a parent was born. “The current generations of parents weren’t born with internet or social media,” she says. “We were plastic enough to get on board, but it is not our second nature like Gen Z. Therefore, we didn’t develop tools to protect ourselves against other people’s opinion and judgment.”

Gen X and Millennials seem more prone to guilt — including the waves of inadequacy we might feel from watching a social media influencer seemingly run their households and parent their littles with style and finesse — than our Boomer or Silent Generation parents. And there’s a reason for this, according to Ilyse Dobrow DiMarco, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and author of “Mom Brain: Proven Strategies to Fight the Anxiety, Guilt, and Overwhelming Emotions of Motherhood — And Relax into Your New Self.”

“Our generation feels like we need to keep tabs on our kids 24-7 and are responsible for entertaining them,” DiMarco says. “Also, we have access to phones which allow us track our child’s every movement and reach them wherever they are. And because we have this technology, we feel like we need to use it.”

My parents are Boomers. I could have been running a drug cartel during summer break in elementary school, and they would have had no idea.

According to Morgan Cutlip, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of “Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself,” the baseline guilt many parents feel today (especially felt by mothers) was less prevalent in previous generations. The Silent Generation (born 1928-1945) emphasized self-reliance, discipline and respect for authority in their children, and Boomers (1946-1964) took most of that parenting approach to heart with their children.

“Gen X and Millennials placed a far greater emphasis on gentleparenting, emotional validation and psychological well-being, leading to heightened awareness of their children’s needs, but also a greater likelihood of guilt when they feel they aren’t meeting every expectation,” Cutlip says.

And one significant contributor is the increasing prevalence of intensive mothering, she adds. “This ideology suggests that mothers should dedicate an extraordinary amount of time, energy and financial resources to their children’s development. Intensive mothering is rooted in several core beliefs, including, ‘good mothering should feel difficult. If it’s not hard, you’re not doing it right.’ This standard creates an unsustainable level of pressure, making guilt an almost inevitable consequence.”

Gender differences in experiencing guilt

While exploring my relationship with parental guilt, I noticed that most of the literature was geared toward moms. In an interview with Notre Dame News about her 2020 parenting study with Lindsay Heldreth, Abigail Ocobock, assistant professor in the Department of Sociology and the Gender Studies Program at the University of Notre Dame, said there may be a reason why. “Put simply, moms felt guilty whatever they were doing; dads did not. In the rare cases when dads took on most of the parenting and schooling labor, moms felt very guilty and indebted to them.

“More often, though, moms felt guilty even though they were already doing most of the parenting and schooling labor; it was never enough. By contrast, not a single dad mentioned feeling guilty about having to work or not spending enough time with their kids during the pandemic. Dads seemed to have a much easier time hiding away somewhere in the house and focusing on their own work or needs.”

I asked DiMarco why that might be. “For generations, women have been socialized to believe that it’s their job to be the primary caretakers of their children. Full-time single dads and two-dad families are not subjected to this socialization, so they’re freer to figure out their roles as parents.”

Cutlip agrees. “I once asked my husband if he ever felt guilty about leaving the kids while traveling for work, and his response was, ‘Maybe for a minute, but it’s my job.’ It was so cut and dry — and completely unrelatable,” she says.

How parental guilt affects kids

As I attempted to untangle myself from the web of guilt I’d spun around myself, I wondered what effect it had upon my kids. For that, DiMarco offers a word of caution: “If a parent overindulges their children out of a sense of guilt, they risk raising children who are entitled and spoiled. If a parent’s guilt leaves them depleted of energy and distracted, they won’t be able to engage with their children in the way they wish to.”

This kind of parenting is stressful, Cutlip says. “When parents, especially mothers, parent from a place of guilt, it often leads to a hypervigilant parenting style where the pressure to ‘get everything right’ becomes overwhelming,” she says. “This can cause moms to neglect their own well-being, leading to burnout and resentment toward the very people they’re working so hard to care for. When a mother is running on empty, self-regulation becomes harder (understandably so!). This can mean shorter tempers, emotional exhaustion and feeling disconnected from both herself and her children.”

Addressing our guilt with self-compassion

Releasing some of our guilt doesn’t mean we should neglect self-reflection and accountability in our parenting decisions. We will never get it all right — and that’s OK.

“We don’t need our kids to see us as perfect in order for us to raise good people,” Steel says. “Being perfectly imperfect is a wonderful goal. Repairing after a ‘mess’ is what is most important. In an age-appropriate language, acknowledge that you messed up.”

DiMarco offers three key steps to help reduce our entanglement with guilt:

• Limit social media use. Unfollow all accounts that leave you feeling guilty after you access them.
• Remind yourself of everything you’re doing for your kids. Keep a journal of parenting victories every day.
• Do a values exercise and write down what you value. Stick to those values, even when they don’t indulge what your children want.

Cutlip also offers three steps:

• Identify your impossible standards. What expectations are you holding yourself to? Are they truly realistic? Write them down and challenge whether they’re necessary or coming from societal pressure. For example: Is it necessary to cook full-course meals every day of the week?
• Adjust and reframe. Once you recognize these unsustainable expectations, work on redefining them in a way that aligns with your values without guilt. Perfection isn’t the goal — balance and connection with your kids are the goal.
• Use practical tools like the ones in Cutlip’s free guilt guide, which includes tips such as identifying unrealistic self-expectations, then adjusting and reframing.  

Parental guilt thrives in isolation. But when we share our struggles openly with other parents and mental health professionals, we are reminded that we’re not alone in this journey. Together, we can challenge societal pressures (including an influencer-obsessed culture) and support one another in redefining what it means to be a “good parent.”

During my second-to-last EMDR session, I was able to identify my own unrealistic expectation — that I could have saved Alice from something no team of scientists has yet to discover. I did not have to wait long for the joy to bubble forth after verbalizing this realization to my therapist. Immediately, I felt like someone removed a boulder from my chest.

Suddenly, I truly felt Alice’s presence and, for the first time, feeling her presence brought a smile to my face rather than tears to my eyes. Happy memories swarmed my mind — the crazy way she blotted her eyeball with her beloved blankie, the way she showed every passerby her light-up shoes, the way she’d gently pat my back when I sang her lullabies. As I laughed and remembered these happy times, I had the overwhelming sensation that Alice happily snuggled up to my chest and whispered, “I wuv you, Mama.”

With these sweet memories, I sometimes cry, but they are tears of relief, joy and a beautiful connection that will never sever and never again be marred by guilt.

Melissa M. Monroe, Ph.D., garnered Honorable Mention in Writer’s Digest 2023 Self-Published Book Awards for her book, “Mom’s Search for Meaning: Grief and Growth After Child Loss.” She is a mom, writer and licensed acupuncturist in L.A. Her recent work has appeared in LA Review of Books, New York Times, Slate, Well + Good, Backpacker and Insider.

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Like many new moms, Linnea Dubravac felt a strong need for community, friendship and self-care when she got pregnant with her daughter Lova. Unable to find exactly what she was looking for, she set out to create her own health and wellness focused group, LA Mom Society, where new moms get together once a month for conversation, community and a fun workout or wellness experience.

Tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are you from? What brought you to L.A.?

I am originally from Norway. I moved to Los Angeles in 2015 to study business and experience life in the USA. I then met my husband six weeks after I moved here and never left. That was almost ten years ago, and we haven’t spent a day apart since our second date. He is also from Europe (originally from Serbia) and came to L.A. on a Basketball scholarship and eventually ended up creating Entertainment Lab – a Talent Management company (they manage actors, writers and directors and have offices in Beverly Hills and New York). 

Our baby girl Lova just turned one. We actually just took a trip back home to Norway and I got to show my baby girl where her mama is from, and it was so special to me. I can’t wait to spend more of our Summers in Norway in the future. 

Tell us about LA Mom Society, what inspired you to start it, and how do you see it growing?

I created it when I was pregnant with Lova in 2023. I didn’t know anyone that was pregnant at the time and wanted to have mom friends who were going through the same life experience as I was. I actually met two girls who were pregnant at the same time as me, so we got to experience our pregnancies together which was very special.

LA Mom Society was simply born out of needing mom friends and building a community around me with other moms who had similar aged babies and were in the same stage of life as me. I do weekly meetups with moms and moms-to-be as well as hosting monthly curated wellness events all over L.A. I was imagining these events that I would love to go to, but they unfortunately didn’t exist, so I simply created those events for myself and that’s how it all started. So many of the moms thank me for starting this community and events as they all crave the same thing; a sense of community and friendships with moms who have similar aged babies. 

I’m very passionate about LA Mom Society and it makes me happy. The moms love my events and it’s a way to give them the self-care that they need, so they can come back home feeling refreshed and have a full reset. 

I try to make the events different each month, but I do like to center them around wellness and self-care, because this is what all of us moms need, especially after having a baby and putting the needs of the baby first and ourselves second. After each event, the moms leave feeling fully recharged and relaxed. They love the events, whether they bring their baby or just come alone to hang out with other moms to focus on health and wellness for a couple of hours and leave every event with my signature gift bags full of goodies. I have wonderful brands that love supporting my events and spoiling our moms, such as LivOn Labs (a nutritional supplement company with products such as lypo-spheric vitamin C), Bumpsuit, Dagne Dover, Path Water, Seraphina Maternity, Thorne and much more! I incorporate brands that I genuinely love and use myself, and I also like introducing new brands to L.A. moms and connecting them with brands or companies that we may not have heard of yet. 

We have had some incredible events, such as the Calamigos Guest Ranch event in Malibu where moms had a morning of wellness featuring lymphatic massages, facials by celebrity facialist Nurse Nousha, vitamin injections and a sound bath, also a mommy and me Yoga event at The Mindry Meditation in Malibu and a self-care event (manicures and massages) at Milk+Honey spa in Brentwood. 

We’re just getting started and I can’t wait to see where we go. 

Your daughter just turned one, how has parenthood changed you?

It’s made me a little more patient. It’s truly one of the hardest but most rewarding things to go through. The hardest thing has probably been the broken sleep but I have such a great baby girl so I can’t really complain. My mom likes to remind me how lucky we are that she sleeps so much and sleeps through the night. I was used to sleeping nine hours straight pre-baby, and now I get woken up at 6 a.m. That’s been hard for me, but I shouldn’t really complain because she’s amazing. 

I would say going to sleep earlier and waking up earlier has been an adjustment, although you do get used to it. My husband is also amazing, he takes such good care of us both and lets me sleep a lot. Because breastfeeding a baby every few hours is magical, but takes a lot of energy. He’s a very hands-on dad and I couldn’t have asked for a better husband/father to our daughter. Having a baby has also made us closer, if that is even possible.  

Did you have a mentor growing up? And what role did that person play in your life and your career?

I wouldn’t say I had a mentor growing up, but I have always looked up to my mom. She’s such an optimist and whatever she’s gone through, she still remains such a positive light in everyone’s life. I always see the positive in every situation and that’s what I got from my mom. For any roadblock that comes my way, I accept it and immediately am on to finding a solution. 

Best life advice you received growing up?

As my mom would always say, there are no problems, only solutions. This is probably why I am a great problem-solver. I get it from my mom who is a total optimist. I remember a time when I told my mom three things that I wanted to do but I couldn’t decide on which one so she said to me, just decide on one thing and it will bring you onto the next, otherwise you end up doing nothing. Also, trust your gut, it’s usually right. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.  I am extremely driven and if there is something I want to pursue, I make it happen. It’s one of the things that my husband says I am great at, which is creating things out of nothing. 

Best advice on parenting you’ve received?

Give yourself time. There is no rush after you’ve given birth. Enjoy the newborn bubble and don’t rush back into anything too soon. Everything is temporary, like the lack of/broken sleep. Take a lot of photos and videos because time goes by so fast. Be patient with yourself and your partner and communicate your needs. They say just survive the first year as it’s the hardest. Surround yourself with family and friends and ask for help if you need it. 

When not working, where will we find you?

Spending time with family and friends, Erewhon, watching TV shows and movies with my husband, the beach or traveling. We try to do something new and fun every weekend and it’s really exciting showing our daughter new things. It’s like we get to start a new life all over again, but through our baby’s eyes. 

What are some of your favorite spots and activities in and around L.A.? 

Erewhon, Malibu beaches (my favorites are Broad Beach and Point Dume), movies, comedy shows (although haven’t been to any since pre-baby), eating out at various restaurants such as Juicy Ladies, Joe & The Juice, Kreation Cafe, sushi spots—and I love pizza.

We also love going to different neighborhoods such as Santa Monica, Malibu, Calabasas, West Hollywood and even places like Ojai or down to Laguna Beach. There is a really nice restaurant in Redondo Beach called Turquoise Restaurant, we always stop by there when we go down to Laguna Beach/Newport Beach. 

I also love checking out new places to visit. We recently went to the Santa Barbara Zoo, Underwood Family Farms and Kindred Spirits Care Farm. I have a WhatsApp group for LA Mom Society and we are constantly sending recommendations on places to visit and fun things to do in and around L.A. I love the community, and I’ve made some really good friends since I started it. 

Learn more about Linnea and LA Mom Society at LAMOMSOCIETY.COM and @lamomsociety on Instagram and Tik Tok. 

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Jessica Zucker, Ph.D., is on a mission to empower women to tell their stories. By normalizing talking about difficult things, she aims open the door to creating cultural change that acknowledges and supports women’s truths.

Her new book, “NORMALIZE IT: Upending the Silence, Stigma, and Shame That Shape Women’s Lives,” is the mirror, motivator and manifesto for women to let go of “shoulds.” Her hope is that this book becomes a guide in helping women replace antiquated cultural silence with storytelling.

Tell us why you decided to write this book.

This is a timeless but also incredibly timely topic that rests on the minds of most, if not all, women. The book tackles topics from girlhood through menopause — and everything in between — with the aim of illuminating just how insidious cultural messaging can be, starting in girlhood and weaving its way through the various milestones we navigate over the course of our lives.

Composite patient stories bring these issues to life by showing how people wrestle with each phase, with the taboos that strangulate, and how they come to better understand why they are who they are in the therapy setting (and outside of it).

We get a window into the complexity of what it means to scour our pain, our joy, our hopes, our anger, our disappointments in an effort to live with more freedom and flexibility. To shed shame. To step into more ease and vulnerability. And step far, far away from silence and stigma that no longer serve us.

You weave in stories of women throughout the book. What are some of the common struggles you see in your practice?

In the first chapter I unpack the various stereotypes and cultural pressures girls and women are bombarded with throughout their lives. The “shoulds” we contend with, the expectations placed on us, the assumptions that loom.

Girlhood is typically the place where it all begins (silence, stigma, shame, repeat). We begin to muffle our voices (presumably unknowingly since we are too young perhaps to be conscious of this while it’s unfolding). We learn not to speak up or take up space in a bold way. We learn to not know what we know.

In writing this chapter I was poised to do a deep dive into my own childhood experiences, to think back and try to understand the ways in which I was impacted by cultural and familial norms, and how the societal pressures—both subtle and demonstrative—shaped the woman I am today.

I see these “shoulds” illuminated day in and day out in my clinical practice. As a psychologist that specializes in reproductive and maternal mental health, I commonly sit with women who are trying to conceive, struggling with fertility issues, grieving following pregnancy and infant loss, stillbirth, terminating for medical reasons, and navigating perinatal and postpartum mood and anxiety disorders.

The simplest way to achieve an antidote to this unhelpful cycle of shame is to speak our truths. To persist in telling our stories. To gently and unequivocally resist self-blame—to remember that we are, in fact, not alone.

Do you think moms in Los Angeles are facing challenges that are unique to our city? If so, tell us about those challenges?

This is an interesting question that I think is hard to fully know the answer to because I haven’t surveyed women elsewhere, but I do think the pressure of perfection is all too pervasive in Los Angeles and moms are no exception.

I address the prevalence of perfectionism and its root causes in Chapter 3 because it is such a common thread in women’s lives, I thought it deserved its own chapter. What I often hear in my practice and from friends alike is the incessant suspicion that we are somehow, someway, not good enough. We might be accomplished, powerful, and valued in our communities. Sometimes, we can feel secure in that knowledge and take pride in ourselves. But because we exist in a culture that inundates us from the moment we are born with a firehose of often contradictory messages about what we “should” be in order to be considered successful, many women I speak with experience the creeping feeling of inadequacy as a low-grade (or sometimes high-grade) sense of anxiety. It seeps into our psyches, coloring our ability to fully enjoy our hard-earned successes. Most patients I work with have some experience with this duality, feeling confident in some aspects of their lives while also experiencing anxiety and the pressure of perfection.

Social media makes the comparison game almost entirely inescapable. The more we scroll through perfectly curated images, the more we inevitably compare ourselves against their virtual versions. And of course, it’s not just social media. In Los Angeles, the billboards are strewn with images that can evoke these feelings as well. Restaurants, bars, parties, events, and even mundane outings like going to the grocery store might provoke feelings of not-enoughness, as these places might be chock-full of people who you’ve seen on TV, movie screens, or even if you haven’t, they might look like you have.

New moms in Los Angeles might feel the pressure to look like they were never pregnant even sooner than most because of the unending focus on thinness and “bouncing back”. Moms in this city may also be even more inundated by the latest trends in how moms “should” birth, breastfeed or bottle feed, cook for their children, what the kids “should” be exposed to and not be exposed to, and, of course, which schools they should eventually attend.

As moms, how can we create a safe space for other moms to share more comfortably about the real parts of their lives?

The short answer is: by replacing silence with storytelling. One story at a time will collectively create safer spaces to be real and raw about what we are really going through. But I’m not sure it’s incumbent upon moms to create safe spaces as much as it is vital that they try to be as honest and as open as they can, first and foremost with themselves, and then with trusted people around them.

The more nuanced and complex answer is: resistance to divulging our innermost emotions isn’t only caused by fear of vulnerability. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of not knowing where to begin. Like a child who has never walked before, we often need to watch others take the first step so we can, in turn, feel confident in taking a step of our own. And at a time when we’re arguably more overworked than ever before, the emotional labor required to properly consider, identify, and finally share a feeling (or many) can be daunting.

It’s okay to start small. Open up to someone you know you can trust. Share what you’re going through and don’t sugarcoat it. Whisper into the ear of your neighbor how you’re really feeling. Small, significant steps can result in enormous cultural strides.

Every time we dare to talk about the hard things, we create ripple effects that ultimately help shape and shift the “master narrative”. The stigmas. The “shoulds.” In the face of this revolutionary zeitgeist shift, we have the chance to exist in the mess without feeling we are the mess. And when we don’t speak our truths—when we shove our stories down and remain quiet in the “shoulds”—we suffer. We don’t need gobs of people to turn to, we just need a handful of quality people who get it. Who truly, deeply get us. These connections can make all the difference.

How can we help our daughters share more openly?

I’ve been wrestling with this idea for some time now. My daughter is 11 and beginning to navigate puberty as I find myself smack dab in the throes of perimenopause. It’s an interesting coupling. I think the best thing we can do for our developing girls is model for them what we wished we’d seen growing up. Openness. Expression of emotions. Perhaps this could be kicked off by talking about feelings at the dinner table each night with a ritual of “What are you grateful for? And what was a thorn (difficult part) in your day?” By normalizing talking about all the things—the good, the bad, and the ugly—we create an environment at home that is safe, consistent, loving and open. Nothing is off limits when it comes to talking about what they are going through, what they are feeling, and any burning questions they might have about developing into women. If we can instill in our daughters that all feelings are valid, that feelings are not facts, and that talking about the complexity of things can help us navigate them, we will bring up a generation of girls who feel confident in speaking up, taking up space in discussions, and expressing feelings without censoring the tougher ones.

What are some insights you gained after writing this book?

In the composite patient examples throughout the book, patients work through their struggles out loud in the therapy room and grapple with how to speak their truths in other spaces: with friends and family, in support groups, in writing, in public forums, and elsewhere. “NORMALIZE IT” gives us a bird’s-eye view into the complexity of what it means to investigate our pain, relish our joy, explore our anger, and sit in our grief in an effort to fully feel the spectrum of feelings and maybe even experience a sense of liberation as a result.

Curating these stories felt effortless in many ways because of the hundreds of women I’ve sat with in my office over the last decade and a half. Due to their openness and eagerness to do the work in therapy, I have had the privilege of getting to know people in such dynamic and emotionally intimate ways. In some cases, it felt quite complex delving into these patient portraits as I was also attempting to be mindful of the trajectory of my life and the things I’ve navigated over the years, wanting to be sure to pepper in aspects of my own life lessons—the pitfalls and the triumphs, the pain and the hard-won wisdom. This book is not a memoir, but I wanted to be sure to look at myself, too, and the lived experiences I bring as a psychologist to the therapy setting in order to do the book justice.

I gleaned insight into the human psyche, the resilience people often muster when faced with unfathomable hardship, the pain people carry deep in their souls, and the hope that often remains nevertheless. Turning to the research on the various topics covered in this book also yielded important insight about the poignant statistics surrounding the loneliness epidemic, the percentage of women struggling with shame, and the ways in which our early lives affect the people we become.

What’s one piece of advice you wish all women knew?

The work of creating more empathy and authenticity in our lives and communities begins with telling our stories. Especially the hard ones. Your stories matter. You matter! For the women who live with their stories untold, you are not alone. When we speak our truths, we have the potential to be part of igniting a personal and cultural revolution. If and when you’re ready, dare to share.

Let’s dare to speak what we have been taught to think is the unspeakable.

Let’s muster the courage to believe in our stories and the power they hold.

Let’s, once and for all, normalize talking about the hard things.

Jessica Zucker is a Los Angeles-based psychologist specializing in reproductive health and the author of the award-winning book “I HAD A MISCARRIAGE: A Memoir, a Movement.” Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, New York Magazine, Vogue, and Harvard Business Review, among others. Her second book,” NORMALIZE IT: Upending the Silence, Stigma, and Shame That Shape Women’s Lives,” is out now and available everywhere books are sold.

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Diana Tsow and her family had only lived in their Pacific Palisades home for four years before the Palisades wildfire tore through her neighborhood on Jan. 7, destroying homes, schools and businesses.

As part of our larger project of sharing community voices and what wildfire survivors need long-term, Tsow shares her story here, a reminder that parenting young children while displaced from natural disasters continues to be a challenge.

Escaping the flames: a terrifying drive

What was going through your mind as the evacuation notices started coming?

Even with the evacuation notices and seeing the huge, dark plume of smoke building outside, I really thought that I would leave and be back later that day. I was with my 2-year-old son, and driving out of the neighborhood was terrifying. There is one public canyon road in and out of my neighborhood. Driving out was like driving through a tunnel of fire. It looked like you were driving at midnight through thick fog, but you could see fire on both sides of the canyon and the street was literally on fire in front of me. There were boulders and debris all over the road. People had abandoned their cars on the street in a panic to get out That’s when I realized this is a lot worse than I thought.

What stands out the most when you think back? 

Once we decided to leave, I had about a half of an hour to pack up. I grabbed our important documents like passports, vital records, my first son’s ashes, my daughter’s most treasured rabbit plush and enough clothes for the family for about two days. It was certainly not enough clothing, but I really did not think we would be displaced for so long. 

Community support and the impact of misinformation

Where did you find refuge? What and who made the most impactful difference for you
during this time? 

We stayed with some friends on the first night. We then checked into a hotel for a few nights, and then stayed with another friend. We bounced around from hotel to Airbnb for a little while, and once we realized that it would be some time before we were able to go home, we signed a lease for a new apartment. We recently moved in, and that was our seventh move in three weeks. Our friends and family were incredibly helpful during this time. They opened their doors to us so we could rest, helped with childcare and even sourced and sent new clothing and other essential items for us.

What resources or support have you found most helpful during this crisis?  

The most helpful support has been from our friends and family. The least helpful is probably the dozens of online forums where a huge amount of misinformation is spread every day. 

How has your community come together to support you and other fire victims? 

The local community has been amazing. There are numerous donation sites that were set up so quickly to help with essential goods and clothing. These places are all volunteer run, and everyone is eager to help. Several local businesses banded together to provide goods and services to fire victims. And the Buy Nothing community has been nothing short of extraordinary. It’s really touching. 

Surviving a fire: what parents and kids need

How are your kids coping?

The kids are coping as well as expected. My son continues to ask to go home. My daughter has been surprisingly mature about the situation. She is really great at helping me take care of her brother. I am thankful that my son will not remember any of this, and my daughter is not taking it too hard yet. I wonder if she understands the gravity of what has happened. We do our best to talk about everything openly and honestly. 

What support do you need the most as a parent? 

Childcare is what I need most so I can deal with the many housing, insurance and general life issues we’re facing now. 

What are the challenges you’re facing in terms of housing, school, work? 

Housing was extremely difficult in the beginning and we moved around a lot. This is because we had no idea how long we would be displaced. We still do not know. So it was really difficult to sign a lease when we did not know if we needed to be gone for six months, a year, more? With regard to school, I have to hand it to LAUSD [Los Angeles Unified School District], who very quickly found a new school location where all of the existing students, teachers and staff could go together. The continuity of care is so important, and my daughter is adjusting well to the new campus.

Work has been challenging because in the beginning I could not work, as I needed to stay with the kids who had nowhere to go (both their schools burned). Now that both are back in school, I am finding that I do not have appropriate work attire.

How are you maintaining family life and some sense of normalcy during this time? 

We are slowly furnishing our new home with creature comforts. We make a point to eat dinner together as a family, and we are starting to get back into the kids’ extracurriculars. 

What would you tell other families who are also starting over?

Allow yourself time to process what is happening. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. 

What is the most important thing we can do for our kids during this time? 

Just be there for them — that is what they will remember. 

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